cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
