you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We left the knife in your bed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
