Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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