he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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