You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
