All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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