I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
