I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
