I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
