Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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