he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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