Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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