she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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