I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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