By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
