Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
