the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
