I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
