i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i love accidental penises.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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