Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
