Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
