It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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