Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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