I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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