I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
