It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize