Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dicks are not precious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
