yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
