I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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