I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
