Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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