i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
