I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
