Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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