and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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