you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
