yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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