My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
