can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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