can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
