Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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