She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize