i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
