why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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