he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
