im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
