that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
