I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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