I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
