I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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