Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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