Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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