Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
