I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
