How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
two words: eviction party
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
