One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What drink are we having for lunch?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
